Do Terrible Things Always Happen in Threes?

Life has a way of assessing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen at once. It is also a common belief that terrible things happen in sets of three. From natural disasters to celebrity deaths to household mishaps, the idea is embedded in the Western cultural psyche. Additionally, anecdotal evidence supports it. In my personal life, my anecdotal evidence was the unexpected death of my spouse, the unexpected sickness and hospitalization of my grandchild, and recently the Coronavirus global pandemic. And oh, all three incidents happened in a period of fifteen months!

Grief stricken; I was still deep in sorrows from the unexpected death of my husband in January. He was just sixty-one years old. I was feeling a host of emotions like anguish, shock, denial, anger, pain, heartbreak, mental suffering, sharp sorrow, keen distress, lost, confused, depressed, hopeless, and alone. I was overly sensitive and got annoyed at people who assumed “I’ve moved on” just because they saw me smile. “I’m glad you have moved on,” was insulting. Do you know how difficult it is to smile when your heart is broken? Did you know that I forced myself to smile so I did not have to explain why I was sad? While others did not want to be around me because they assumed I was always gloomy. People in general do not understand what it is like to grieve until they lose the person they love. To avoid insensitive people, I lived in solitude. But I realized that people fundamentally mean well, they just lacked the sensitivity in expressing sympathy. In a way, I cannot blame them. We live in America where Grieving is taboo. 

Eleven months later in December after my husband’s death, my two-year old granddaughter suddenly was extremely sick. She was admitted at Kaiser Hospital for two weeks. Our family spent a very emotional Christmas at the hospital with her. Despite grieving, I tried my best to muster strength for my family as I am the Matriarch. But I felt powerless watching my granddaughter in pain. I wished I could make her pain go away. I was heartbroken watching my daughter and her husband feeling desperately unable to help their only child. This whole scene brought back memories of thirty-eight years ago when my daughter was five years old at the time. She too was admitted to Children’s Hospital in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), where she stayed for two weeks. Coincidentally their diagnosis was the same. Watching my daughter go through it with her own daughter was like reliving that painful time in my life. I was scared by the horrible thought of losing another person I love. I felt weak. But I knew I had to be strong for my family. All I could think of was to pray. I went home, I prayed and bawled like a child. The next day, my granddaughter recovered, and we were grateful. We survived and we spent the New Year out of the hospital!

But little did we know that in less than three months on March 17th, there would be another surprise! Coronavirus, a global pandemic! The Governor of California, Gavin Newsom ordered the citizens to quarantine, especially the high-risk populations like the elders over sixty-five which was my category. Families had to indefinitely stay away from other members of their family who did not live with them. Still grief stricken, I felt as if God must have been punishing me? This could not be happening to me. My family is my lifeline. And my granddaughter’s hugs and kisses help heal my pain. The isolation exacerbated my grieving. 

Right after the mandatory quarantine was imposed, my daughter started picking-up my groceries for me. We agreed that I should remain at home to avoid exposure to contamination of the virus. “Better safe than sorry,” we thought. One day, she came to drop off my groceries. She avoided coming into my house or giving me a hug. My granddaughter who was barely two years old, attempted to run toward me to give me a hug and a kiss. My daughter immediately stopped her, and my granddaughter started crying. Before you know it, my daughter was crying too, and so was I. How do you explain the reason to a two-year-old why she could not hug her grandmother due to transmission of a deadly virus called Coronavirus. It was heart wrenching. We adjusted and accepted the reality of the present. “It is what it is,” like my late husband would say. 

It has been twenty months since the Coronavirus abruptly changed the lives of people all over the world! With millions of lives lost, people who were also vulnerable lost their jobs, homes, and income. While our security and stability are threatened. For the first time in this generation’s lifetime, we have experienced an unprecedented occurrence of something we have never dealt with before. As of recent report, there were 5,059,721 deaths around the world, of which, 775,095 was the total deaths in the United States. When you consider the total number of the populations in the world, the percentage of deaths from Coronavirus is a ridiculously small percentage. However, as we all know, the people left behind are the ones who suffer the most. For all of us, the life we knew changed in an instant, and without preparation. Anger. Confusion. Lost. Shock. Doubt. Hopelessness. Uncertainty. Fear. Alone. And the world went into mourning. What are the chances of the people in the world to mourn from the same cause at the same time for the same reasons? This is an unparalleled phenomenon! I feel that someone from above must be sending the world a unified message about human rights. For centuries, society has become competitive, arrogant, and intuitively created racial divides and injustice, as well as gender inequalities. All because of the ego - money and power. 

I have observed the changes in peoples’ attitudes after Coronavirus. I recognized that same old familiar feelings from grieving. In all honesty, secretly, I was happy to see the entire world grieve. Through peoples’ individual experiences, they will learn what grieving means. Leaning and going through the grieving process will help develop understanding, compassion, kindness, love, respect, patience, generosity, inclusivity, and non-judgmental toward others. Perhaps Coronavirus will mark the ending of the human sufferings and mark the beginning of treating each other with compassion and respect no matter the color of your skin, socio-economic class, age, and one’s gender and/or choice thereof. Now we realize that there is a critical need for more education and information to understand the effects of emotional stress, and the importance of mental health for a healthy society. The real tragedy would be if we walk away from Coronavirus not having learned anything at all.

In my life, I learned more about myself and about life when things were difficult. Not from when things were easy. After my husband died, I had to re-learn living and being alone. Similarly, after Coronavirus, the way of life in the entire world changed in an instant. The human population started to get the notion that everything is temporary. Our physical body will die, and our Earthly possessions could be lost in an instant. We realized that we have no control over the future. That although we could make plans, but at the end of the day, there is someone up there who decides. Moreover, during the quarantine, people realized that human relationships is what mattered the most in life. Starting with caring for ourselves, and spending time with our family, friends, and community. That it was important to have a support system. That it was our family, partner, or friend whom we could count on in times of distress. We realized that working 14 to 16 hours in the office to get a fancy job title or promotion to make more money so they could buy expensive things to impress others did not bring lasting happiness. But we learned what true happiness mean. “The things that brought profound joy and genuine happiness are invisible to the naked eyes but felt in our hearts,” (The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery). And more than ever, becoming aware that life is too short. To let go of the past because it is gone, and tomorrow may never come, but today, in the here and now, is all we have. Now is the moment to live a purposeful life and be grateful for being alive. 

Some people theorize that things Happen in Three's. This can be both positive and negative in connotation. We are often told that things repeated three times will help them manifest. I choose a positive connotation. To find Wisdom, Compassion, and Love. To find Wisdom, Compassion, and Love. And to find Wisdom, Compassion, and Love!